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Thursday, November 26, 2009

Water Regulator Announces Cheaper Bills

A consumer celebrates their regulator-provided windfall.

Traffic has been brought to a standstill in towns and cities across the UK in the wake of today's annoucement that water bills are to fall.

The announcement by OfWat that water bills are to fall by an average of £3 per year by 2015 is being hailed by the regulator as 'a negotiation breakthrough', and it is believed to be the first time in living memory that utility prices will actually fall.

Ofwat chief executive Regina Finn said: "Customers have told us that they want us to keep water and sewage charges flat while maintaining a safe, reliable supply of water.

"We've scrutinised every pound in the customer's wallet to ensure that they're paying what the companies want, and we're proud that our negotiation breakthrough has led to such a wonderful result for the British consumer."

Spontaneous demonstrations from the entire populace expressing their joy and adulation have erupted across the nation, with many people spraying hosepipes in the air and calling for the OfWat negotiation team to handle other major trade deals.

One consumer took a break from waving his sprinkler to tell The Diary, "I'm overjoyed. This is a significant moment in history - a life-changing event. I'm delighted with the saving. It means I'll be able to treat myself more regularly - I'm planning to splash out on a Big Mac once a year to celebrate".

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