Solving the World's problems with common sense and a flamethrower.

Friday, November 20, 2009

RumpyPumpy is New Eurasian President

Not picked for their looks - EU President and Foreign Minister

The Eurasian Commission have announced the appointment of Herman Van Rumpypumpy of Belgium as President-for-Life, with Britain's Baroness Ashton taking the role of High Commissioner for Foreign Affairs.

The appointments of the new leaders were announced following a lengthy Election campaign several days of vociferous inter-Government discussion drawing straws over dinner in Brussels. The Diary understands that Van Rumpypumpy was appointed under a combination of two EU Directives - the Beeblebrox Principle* and EU 4/2003 "Anyone but that grinning Rosbif War Criminal' Directive. The appointment makes Van Rumpypumpy the second most famous Belgian in history, and the most famous non-fictional Belgian.

Baroness Ashton was reported to have won her post on merit following her highly-commended work as Trade Commissioner, where she negotiated the . . . the . . .well, they were already paying her resettlement allowances so why not.

The news was met with spontaneous outbreaks of complete disinterest across Europe. One Estonian voter we spoke to said, "Rumpypumpy and Ashton? Are they a new Eurovision Song Contest act? We like Eurovision".

A survey conducted by The Diary indicates that just over 70% of EU voters are more interested in whether Taoiseach Cowen is going to punch President Sarkozy at their next meeeting.

Pointless X-Factor twats Jedward were unavailable for comment as they were being interviewed by Sky.

*(a role that involves no power whatsoever, and merely requires the incumbent to attract attention so no one wonders who's really in charge).

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Obnoxio The Clown said...

You clearly forgot about Hercule Poirot!

Dungeekin said...


Duh. Poirot was THIRD.


Anonymous said...

The EU President is, in fact, not the Belgian Prime Minister as first thought, but Rambling Syd Rumpo.

Exclusive interview here.