Solving the World's problems with common sense and a flamethrower.

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

New EU President Will Be British

The new EU President prepares for his first public address.

The Eurasia European Parliament have today announced that there will not, as expected, be an election for the position of EU President, but that instead the Parliament have appointed the 'best candidate by kilometres' for the role.

A spokesman for the EU said, "we needed someone with gravitas, statesmanship and style, who has a history of unifying European interests and peoples, and who genuinely cares. Obviously that ruled out Tony Blair on all counts.

"So after a lengthy period of consultation, we have decided that the only person meeting all categories is Stuart Hall".

The EU pronouncement has been met with consternation in the soon-to-be-abolished British Government. A Downing Street spokesman said, "we're disappointed that the EU has appointed a funny man, because we were firmly convinced that David Millipede was enough of a fucking joke by himself".

President-Elect Hall welcomed the appointment, saying that the role 'should be a laugh'.

In a related development, it has been announced that with immediate effect, all national anthems are abolished, and countries will be required to play the new EuroNational Anthem at functions and sporting events.

The new EuroAnthem can be found here.


Holly said...

Correction: New EuroAnthem can be found at

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

Top bloke Stuart's just a pity he doesn't report on many Manchester City matches anymore.

w.v. = surdle

I'm sure that the erudite staurt Hall would work that into a match report. "Petrov, the every busy Bulgarian, danced past Neville, unleashed a left foot drive that surdled the ball just inside the far post."