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Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Government Announce Domestic Violence Classes

The Government have announced that from 2011, all children from the age of five will receive domestic-violence classes in school.

The courses were announced by Labour Deputy Leader Harridan Harperson, and are aimed to teach girls from an early age that all men are violent, evil beasts who will batter them remorselessly for the slightest perceived infraction.

Speaking from her temporary offices in the Remand suite of Holloway Prison, Mzz Harperson said, "this is a vital plank in the Labour education policy, and will assist greatly in our long-term goal of completely destroying family life.

"Additionally, we hope that by inculcating girls with an abject terror of all males, we also hope to achieve our 2005 Manifesto target of increasing the number of lesbian single mothers sitting on Quangos by 40% before 2020".

Though the full syllabus to the course, titled, 'All Men Are Horrid and will Bash You, Even Daddy Because He's A Man And He Hates You Because He Really Wanted A Son' have not yet been released, sources close to the Ministry of Emasculation have confirmed the content of a number of modules, including:
  • Teaching girls from the age of five to ring the Government Paedophile Helpline if Daddy makes them go to bed early;
  • Anger Management training for all boys from the age of five, including lessons explaining to them why they are a chromosomal deviance and therefore less worthy of life than females;
  • Self-Defence Training for girls from the age of eleven, teaching them the best way for their lawyer to claim a history of domestic abuse if they decide to kill their boyfriend;
  • Group Therapy sessions for all children, in which boys will be required to be castigated by their female classmates for the sins of the world.
The announcement has not been met with universal approval however. Legendary Scottish actor Sean Connery denounced the move as 'demeaning to men', adding, "that Harperson bird needs a good slap".

The lessons are expected to replace the more common curriculum subjects of reading and writing, recently condemned by OfSted as 'outdated and unnecessary'.

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Sranson said...

"this is a vital plank in the Labour education policy"

Could we use this one for them to "walk" when we finally take them all out to sea?

banned said...

I am sure that all boys of my generation would have benefitted from lessons in how to do domestic violence; do they do it at night school ?
Oops, I forgot, they closed those down.
Incidentally Dungeekin, you failed to mention/promote Harbingers stance on Transgender issues in the infant playground, would you care to explain yourself for this mannist lapse ?

Anonymous said...

"that Harperson bird needs a good slap".

No, that Harperson bird needs beating about the head with the vital plank.