For Sale:

FOR SALE

One backbone.

One Scottish owner, never used, would suit TV political correspondent with swiftly-changing allegiance.

Quick sale required due to urgent house-clearance.

Also available: one pair unused testicles, one brain and a crash-damaged dignity. Could sell as a job-lot now I haven't got a job.

Collection from Downing Street, London, probably by early next week.

A Song For Gordon

Now all the voting's done,
And for you the Election's gone wrong,
Your chances of survival are none,
These are your final days,
And nobody now wants you to stay,
You've wrecked the country since your first day,
oh and we're sick of you, we are sick of you,
Your thirteen years have buggered us all,
Now hear the Electorate caaaa-aaaaaa-aaaaall,


CHORUS
Gordon GO!
Listen and do what you're told,
The people have spoken, you know,
You are contemptible,
Time you were leaving!

So just GO!
Get out and never return,
You simply have to learn,
You are contemptible,
Time you were leaving!


Now with your chances gone,
We've had enough of smearing and lying,
From you and all your partners in crime,
It's only three years ago
That you took over Tony Blair's place
And since that time you've been a disgrace,
We've had enough of you, had enough of you,
You've lost the right to govern at all,
Now hear the Electorate caaaa-aaaaaa-aaaaall,


Gordon GO!
Listen and do what you're told,
The people have spoken, you know,
You are contemptible,
Time you were leaving!

So just GO!
Get out and never return,
You simply have to learn,
You are contemptible,
Time you were leaving!


You've lost the right to govern at all,
Now hear the Electorate caaaa-aaaaaa-aaaaall,


Gordon GO!
Listen and do what you're told,
The people have spoken, you know,
You are contemptible,
Time you were leaving!

So just GO!
Get out and never return,
You simply have to learn,
You are contemptible,
Time you were leaving!

....Repeat chorus until you finally bugger off out of Downing Street....


#brownresign #concede

Alternative Voting Method Sees Surge in Registrations

Brown: surge in voters wanting to use Alternative FPTP upon him.

Electoral watchdogs have reported a massive surge in registrations to the Voter's Roll, following the announcement of a new alternative voting system to be introduced to the UK for the 2010 General Election.

The new system marks the end of the traditional 'First Past The Post' voting method historically used in UK elections, which has been criticised in recent years for being unfairly biased, allowing the sitting Government to hold a majority despite a reduced share of the vote and being open to electoral fraud.

Announcing the revised voting system, Minister for Suffrage Skullduggery Lord Fondlebum of Fey said, "we believe the time is right for a new approach that will engage the electorate, and alternative voting is the means."

Created following a Downing Street mixup between a White Paper on electoral reform and birthday party invites for the PM's son Fraser, the new system is named FPTP - First Past The Piñata. Polls will open from 0800 and 2200, and during this time registered voters will be able to beat the candidate of their choice with a big stick. Once polling has closed, the prospective candidate with the fewest contusions will be duly elected as MP for their constituency as soon as they're discharged from hospital.

Since the announcement of Alternative FPTP, requests to be added to the Electoral Register have jumped by 40%, and Paul Counter, of pollwatchers Politicalbetting.com, said, "this new method, which will be used for the first time in the world in the upcoming Election, has been proved to be extremely popular with voters, who are relishing the chance to have both a voice in the governing of the UK and the chance to batter the politician of their choice. We are anticipating the largest turnout in a General Election since 1945.

"In fact, so far the only problem we can see is that as a result of the announcement, over twenty million people have registered to vote in the constituency of Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath. I wonder why."

A Limerick

Poor old Gordon said, "It's so unfair!"
PMQ's is a tough cross to bear,
But I'll teach 'em a lesson,
My Inman Expression,
WIll give bloody Cam'ron a scare!

Picture unashamedly nicked from Guido.