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Thursday, November 19, 2009

Fears Grow of European War

With tensions between the two nations spiralling out of control, the Government of Ireland have expelled all French diplomats from their embassy in Dublin in an act believed to be preparatory to a declaration of war.

Spontaneous demonstrations have flared across the Republic of Ireland, with people taking to the streets, burning French flags, tearing up croissants and pouring French wine down the drain. There are unconfirmed reports that three Peugeot dealerships in central Dublin have been set alight in the ongoing riots, and one French exchange student at the University of Dublin has reportedly been drowned in a vat of Guiness.

Speaking at an emotional news conference the Taoiseach, Brian Cowen, demanded that France hand over Thierry Henry, who the Irish Government insist must face trial and possible execution for his handball in a football match last night.

Mr Cowen said, "this is an absolute outrage and must not go unchallenged. We have requested an immediate meeting of the UN Security Council who we insist take action. If we do not get a replay of the match and the opportunity to send Henry to the gallows, we will have no option but to initiate air-strikes against the Elysee Palace and the headquarters of FIFA".

President Sarkozy of France has rejected the Irish Government's demands however. A spokesman for the Elysee Palace said, "so we're in South Africa and they're not. Oh well, bring it on".

Sky News, BBC News 24 and all other channels are covering events as they develop. Fucking endlessly. Pointless Irish twats Jedward were, however, unavailable for comment.

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