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Wednesday, November 11, 2009

New DNA Regulations Announced

DNA: New laws will govern its retention.

The Justice Ministry has today announced a radical change to their DNA retention policy today, following outcry over the indefinite retention of samples from innocent people.

The announcement was prompted by the 2008 Ruling by the European Court of Human Rights that the indefinite retention of DNA profiles of those found to be innocent was unlawful.

Speaking from the Ministry of Love, Justice Minister Laventiy Straw said, "we fully accept the EHCR's ruling in relation to the retention of DNA samples. Therefore, it is right that we change this policy.

"As a result, and based upon our interpretation of scientific advice, we have established that we will only retain the DNA of innocent persons until such time as we can prove they are guilty of something."

Mr Straw added that he would introduce further legislation in the Queen's Speech later this month to facilitate the change, including the unlimited right for anyone with a clipboard to enter homes to search for something that might be naughty, and a raft of new offences under the 'You Must Be Doing Something, You Bastard Act' which receives its third Reading next week.

The move was condemned by leading civil liberties wonk Shami Chakrabarti of Liberty, who was promptly arrested under sedition laws.

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