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Monday, November 23, 2009

NI Bomb Attack: New Splinter Group Sought

CSR(WSHH)RAI: Splitters

Police are hunting for two men, believed to be members of a hitherto unknown terror group, after a failed car-bomb attack in Northern Ireland over the weekend.

The 400lb device was driven to the offices of the Northern Ireland Policing Board, but the attack failed when the car appeared to catch fire. The explosive did not detonate, and nobody was hurt in the attempt.

Responsibility for the attempted terror attack was claimed by the Continuity Splinter Real (We're Still Here, Honest) Republican Army Of Ireland (CSR(WSHH)RAI), a hitherto-unknown dissident republican group opposed to anything that stops them blowing shit up.

The Group Spokesman, Mr P O'Neill, said, "The Continuity Splinter Real (We're Still Here, Honest) Republican Army Of Ireland will continue the struggle until the people of the Six Counties realise that it is better to be singing about Bobby Sands, chucking bricks at the police and blowing shit up than having money, jobs and a good craic in a safe central Belfast. We are committed to the Cause of blowing shit up in the glorious name of blowing shit up".

Intelligence sources believe the CSR(WSHH)RAI to be the largest of the remaining groups opposed to peace in the Province, perhaps numbering as many as four people and a dog.

Irish Assembly Member and former IRA leader Martin McGuiness condemned the attack, describing the CSR(WSHH)RAI as 'Splitters'.

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