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Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Six Seized in $600m Stock Scam

'Guardia Civil' officers raid Mandelson's Private Members' Club

Spanish Police have arrested six men as part of an investigation into a $600m (£450m) fraud perpetrated against the London Stock Exchange.

The international investigation, involving all European police forces and Interpol, has been ongoing since the latter part of 2008. It is believed that the charges relating to the £450m are only initial charges, with the total of the fraud believed to be in excess of £1 trillion.

Those arrested today are believed to be the masterminds of the fraud, and have been named as the following career criminals:

James Gordon 'Prime Minister' Brown;
Alistair 'Slug-Balancer' Darling;
Mervyn 'Ratesy' King;
Victor 'Blackhorse' Blank;
Peter 'Felchie' Mandelson;
Geoff 'Twat' Hoon.

Officers admitted that only the first five are believed to be involved in the scam, which has cost the UK billions in both bullion and stock equities, destroying the pension funds of British employees. Hoon was described by the senior investigating officer as "too stupid to be involved in anything this clever, but we arrested him because everyone wanted to give him a damn good kicking".

Newly-appointed Metropolitan Police Commissioner Paul Stephenson welcomed the arrests - at least, we think that's what he said, but he was a bit muffled from having his tongue so deeply inserted in Jacqui Beria's backside.

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