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Friday, January 09, 2009

Government Announces New Data Loss Method

The Government has introduced new legislation on email storage, following a revelation that there was no private data left to be lost any more.

From March, all Internet Service Providers will have to keep information about every single email sent or received over the previous year. This information is to be held by a private company, Data Losss Services PLC, who will ensure that it is left in adequately public places on a regular basis.

A Home Office Spokesman said, "the sad fact is, we have seen a reduction in the number of data-loss incidents in the last quarter of 2008, made worse by people attempting to keep their private data private. Obviously this is not acceptable, and the new policy will ensure this Government has many more opportunities to lose the private data of the general public in future".

Data Loss Services PLC, who won the contract for the Governments information-mishandling requirements last year after their salesman left the tender documentation in a porn cinema in Birmingham, have insisted that they can provide a higher level of incompetence than Government departments themselves.

Derek Lostit, CEO of Data Loss Services, said, "There is a clear need for some new, radical thinking in the data-incompetence field, and we are the company to provide it. We need to look past the usual 'laptop on train' scenario, and with the new mass of private data being provided by this legislation, we are confident of finding innovative ways to lose personal details.

For example, we are planning a major first in the data mismanagement world shortly after the law comes into effect, with the inadvertent posting of three million sets of bank details to a Nigerian prince we've been chatting with".

Published in 'The Tart', 9 January 2009


Obnoxio The Clown said...

"... with whom we've been chatting."

Honestly! Can't these people get anything right?

Dungeekin said...

Indeed, Sir Clown.

I was most taken aback by Mr Lostit's poor use of language when I interviewed him for DBC (Dungeekin Broadcasting Corporation).

That is the sort of linguistic carelessness up with which I will not put.


Anonymous said...

Not the Government, must fact check better is the EC.

"The new rules are due to come into force on 15 March, as part of a European Commission directive which could affect every ISP in the country"

Dungeekin said...


And that makes it OK, does it?

The Home Office announced it this morning. The Home Office are part of the UK Government, therefore they're responsible for UK legislation.

If they're going to roll over to every EU Directive (even the ones that fly in the face of the EU Human Rights Declaration, which shows how well-considered this one is) then they deserve to be held to account for it.


Anonymous said...

Did i say it made it ok? You are so insistent on blaming everything on the UK government i felt it necessary to point out you had your facts wrong.

How is it in breach of human rights, your facetious jibe at the government doesn't explain?

Dungeekin said...

The EU Directive on Human Rights declareth thusly:

Article 8 provides a right to respect for one's "private and family life, his home and his correspondence".

The Government support it - see the Home Office comments on it on the BBC article.

The vast majority of EU countries, when faced with yet another bullshit, unworkable EU Directive, smile sweetly and ignore it. Our Dear Leaders, may they reign for a thousand years, implement it.

In this case, they implement it because it supports their master plan for a database state, and they can conveniently blame it on the EU and slope responsibility.

So, personally, I’ll still call our UK Government out on this one.


Anonymous said...

Ah 1984 is now upon us....