Solving the World's problems with common sense and a flamethrower.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Apple CEO in Medical Absence Shock

Apple CEO and technological visionary Steve Jobs has announced he is temporarily stepping down as Chief Executive of the company he co-founded to take medical leave.

Apple spokesman Mac Fanboi denied reports that Jobs will not return, explaining that the absence was necessary for surgery to remove a malignant black turtleneck pullover which has been symbiotically attached to Jobs since 1999.

Thought by the Apple faithful to be a symbol of Jobs' commitment to minimalist functionality, Scientists have established that the turtleneck is in fact a parasitical creature feeding off its host, and in return channeling its brainwaves through Mr Jobs, a symbiotic relationship now thought to have been responsible for the creation of the iPod.

Mr Fanboi also added that Jobs' absence from the recent Macworld Expo was due to him receiving grief counselling in preparation for the removal of the pullover which is likely to have a negative impact on Apple's product innovation, possibly resulting in items as unpopular as the Apple Lisa.

Apple devotees have reacted with shock to the news, with many openly praying in the streets and at makeshift shrines in support of their technological guru. There have been reports of suicides, and a growing Facebook group calling for Mr Jobs to retain the turtleneck until a new iPhone Nano has been developed.

The turtleneck was unavailable for comment.

(Published in 'The Spoof', 15 January 2009).


Hedgewytch said...

Now I should be deeply offended as an Uber Mac fan but it is very funny so I will let you off this time, just this once ;o)

Sim-O said...


nice one

Winston Smith said...

I wouldn't be surprised if there isn't a FB group already!

Bill Quango MP said...

The poor man! I have organised a charity to help this man. Please send cheques made payable to the Chief Apple Supporter Help group or C*A*S*H for short.

Cash is a Nigerian registered charity. Your generosity can help end this terrible affliction.