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Thursday, January 29, 2009

Plans Target 'Digital Britain' Push

Plans are to be launched today to bring high-speed broadband internet connections to every household in the UK by 2012.

The interim 'Digital Britain' report, released today, has looked at the provision of high-quality digital pornography to British homes, and is expected to recommend that universal standards of smut resolution be established.

Communications Minister Lord Carter said, "it's unacceptable in 21st-century Britain that some consumers are still forced to have one off the wrist to poor-quality porn over dialup connections. Access to high-speed internet and streaming video should be an inalienable human right.

"ISPs will therefore be compelled to ensure that broadband is available universally, bringing freedom to 'bash the bishop' to British subscribers anywhere".

Not all groups have welcomed the report's recommendations, however. David Bailey, chairman of paper-based softcore smut-peddlers Sport Media Group, attacked the proposals, saying, "the report discriminates against traditional media. Sport Media Group has been providing first-rate hand-shandy material for years, and the provision of universal broadband threatens our business model. People won't pop to the bog with a copy of the 'Sunday Sport' for a quick knuckle shuffle if they've got high-speed smut".

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