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Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Asda Offers Job Help to Bankers

Supermarket titan Asda has offered a lifeline to bankers left redundant as a result of the economic crisis, with the accouncement of new employment opportunities.

Asda CEO Andy Bond, speaking at the press launch, said "we are delighted to be helping out bankers in their current straitened times. As a result, we are making around 7,000 jobs available to redundant financiers, hedge-fund managers and investment bankers".

The roles being offered to the former City high-flyers include 'Night-Shift Stock Restoration Operative' and 'Dining-Area Tray Reclamation Officer', with salaries of up to £6.40 per hour for the top employees.

Bond added, "let's face it, after the way these people screwed up their institutions, we don't want them anywhere near the tills - there's no way they'd be able to balance them. But it keeps bankers off the streets, so we're helping the long-term unemployable".

Former Royal Bank of Scotland CEO Fred 'The Shred' Goodwin welcomed the move, adding that he intended to apply for the position of 'Assistant Trolley Recovery Agent'.

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