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Monday, February 22, 2010

Labour Turn to Twitter for Manifesto Inspiration

Turning to Twitter: Millipede Minor seeks inspiration.

The Labour Party have turned to social networking sites in search of inspiration for their Election Manifesto, as the build-up to the next General Election begins in earnest.

The announcement was made by Minister for Something-Or-Other Ed Millipede through the 'LabourSpace 'F All' promotional site, and using his Twitter account.

Writing on the site, Mr Millipede Jr said, "we in the Labour Party want to hear what the British Voters want to see in our Manifesto. I know that normally we treat the Electorate as if they're moronic proles whose sole purpose is to hand over whatever cash we can leech out of them - but let's face it, after thirteen years of screwups, broken promises and knee-jerk reactions it's pretty clear that we don't have a clue how to move forward. On top of that, the Tories won't publish their Manifesto yet, so we can't do our usual trick of nicking their ideas either.

"So, it's down to you. Tell us what you want in our Manifesto. We'll listen, then file the answers away and produce the usual bollocks, dressed up in a myriad of meaningless soundbites and massaged statistics, then if we win claim they were all aspirations instead of commitments and carry on bumbling away as we have been. Sorry, did I say that last bit out loud?"

Initial reports indicate that the response to Mr Millipede's request has been promising, with both the site and Twitter buzzing with suggestions.

At present, the leading recommendation is for Labour to re-create their historic 1983 'Longest Suicide Note in History', but this time make it a Manifesto commitment that if they win the General Election, the entire current Cabinet will commit seppuku on Westminster Bridge at noon.

Bookmaker William Hill said that if the suicide pledge was to make it into the Manifesto, they would slash odds on a Labour Landslide from the current 1,000,000,000:1 to 2:7.

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patently said...

a Manifesto commitment that if they win the General Election, the entire current Cabinet will commit seppuku on Westminster Bridge at noon.

Actually, that might persuade me to vote for them....

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