Solving the World's problems with common sense and a flamethrower.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Israel Apologises for Passport Scandal

Millipede: "use our passports again, and I'll insert this. Unpeeled."

The State of Israel has issued an unprecedented public apology, following a meeting with Foreign Secretary David Millepede in the wake of allegations that Brish passports were used in the assassination of a high-ranking Hamas official.

Israeli Ambassador Ron Proson, speaking after what was described as a 'candid' meeting at the Foreign Office, said, "That was an intense meeting with Mr Millipede. When he started pointing that banana at me, I felt like I was back in the Six-Day War.

"As a result of the meeting, the State of Israel wishes to offer an unreserved apology for the use of British passports by whoever it was that did the assassination, about which we have complete deniability, not that it was us of course, in any way that can be proved or that we're going to admit to, because it wasn't us, honest."

Mr Proson added, "however, in the wake of this matter, our intelligence services will be amending their procedures, not that it had anything to do with us, of course. In future, all Mossad agents engaged in covert activities will be required to wear full Hasidic dress and to wear sandwich boards declaring 'Mossad Agent on Operations' in eight languages including Arabic. Not that we do any covert operations or assassinations, of course. Honest."

The apology was echoed by sources in the Israeli Defence Ministry, who confirmed that when dealing with murderous terrorist organisers in future, clinical, well-planned and deniable assassinations would be ruled out in favour of the traditional tactics of white phosphorous, rocket attacks and collateral damage 'to avoid complaints from the international community'.

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1 comment:

Frank P said...

Delicious satire!