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Thursday, February 11, 2010

Burglars 'Angered' By Police Burglary Announcement

A beat Constable on duty in Macclesfield.

The UK's robbers and car thieves have reacted with anger to an announcement from the Police today that they will now be burgling houses, in contravention of labour demarcation agreements.

Police in Macclesfield will be burgling houses in the community between 4pm and 2am as part of a crackdown on paperwork and budgets within the force. Inspector Gareth Woods, who is heading up the operation, said, "let's face it - most burglaries just generate a ton of paperwork and we never catch anyone. If we're the ones doing the thieving, then that's going to cut down on the administration and will have the knock-on effects of putting more bobbies on the streets. And of course, by selling whatever we lift, we can raise extra cash and put that towards important crime-prevention operations like mobile speed cameras."

Homeowners in the Macclesfield area have approved of the idea in principle, with one resident saying, "well, at least if the Police are doing the burgling they're not likely to do any stabbing or shit on the living-room carpet."

However, the move has met strong opposition from the UK's blaggers. Keith Chav, General Larcenist of the Union of Burglars, Thugs and Allied Trades, said, "this is disgusting. It's a matter of demarcation, innit. Distribution of labour. The police should do their job, and we do ours. Why can't they stick to what they do best? They don't do burglaries, and we don't fit up innocent people."

Mr Chav added that the Union of Burglars, Thugs and Allied Trades were considering balloting for strike action, but declined to elaborate as to what form any industrial unrest would take.

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