Solving the World's problems with common sense and a flamethrower.

Friday, February 19, 2010

Virgin Trains Introduce New Carriage

Virgin Trains' 'Winterton Carriage' will be available to all Members of Parliament.

Virgin Trains have announced that they are adding carriages to some of their services to improve passenger comfort.

The announcement comes in the wake of soon-to-be-ex MP Nicholas Winterton's assertion that Members of Parliament were entitled to First Class rail travel because there were 'a totally different class of people' in Standard Class.

Responding to Mr Winterton's comments, a spokesman for Virgin Trains said, "Mr Winterton is absolutely right that there is a different class of people in Standard Class. That is, the people in standard class aren't conceited, pompous morons with an over-inflated belief in their own importance, a sense of entitlement to special treatment and a penchant for spending other people's money.

"However, in response to a vast number of requests from Standard Class passengers, we are adding a new 'Winterton Carriage' to our Virgin Mainline trains between London and Macclesfield. The carriage will be placed at the rear of the train and in deference to Mr Winterton's status, position and beliefs will be the same carriage used on freight services for carrying pigs. Any other Members of Parliament wishing to travel on Virgin Trains will, of course, receive an upgrade to a Winterton Carriage upon request if they do not wish to travel with real people."

Virgin Trains passengers have welcomed the news of the Winterton Carriage. One commuter, who preferred not to be named, said it was excellent news that travellers wouldn't 'have to share our seating space with a venal pig'.

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Old BE said...

Very good!

Ted Treen said...

Sharp, astute, succinct and amusingly written. As usual.

Why aren't you a highly-paid polemicist, instead of tearing your hair out trying to make sense of the offerings from The Beast of Redmond?

Anonymous said...

I never travel by train or bus. Who in his right mind would want to share a confined space with beer-swilling, iPod wearing, tracksuited chavs and their snotty-nosed, fatherless offspring?