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Tuesday, February 02, 2010

Row Between Vatican & Government Deepens

Pope: "Violating natural law is the dominion of Church, not Government."

Diplomats in the Foreign Office and the Vatican are working feverishly to defuse a row between Obergruppenfuhrer Pope Von Benedict XVI and Prime Minister Gollum Brown over the Government's proposed Equality Bill.

His Heiliness has called for a Holy War with the UK Government over the bill, entreating priests, bishops and lay pederasts to fight the Equality Bill with 'missionary zeal' and adding that the legislation 'violates natural law'.

The Pope is due to visit the UK this year, and has reportedly vowed to give the PM a 'fucking good sorting out' as a result of the legislation, which the Church fears would force them to hire heterosexual clergy.

A spokesman for the Vatican said, "The Fuhr...sorry, Pope is enraged by the Equality Bill, which in the eyes of the Church violates natural law - and everyone knows if there's any violating to be done, that's the job of your parish priest".

However, the Government strongly defended the Bill, saying that it was necessary for a truly fair society. Equality Minister Harridan Harperson said, "it is right that we introduce a totally equal society, with everyone brought down to the same level. Except Government ministers, of course. The male hegemony that is religion is one of the truest inequalities of our culture, and must be stamped out along with anything else we deem unfair, like intellect, aspiration, entrepreneurship and civil liberties. Just don't ask us about Islam".

The PM also strongly defended the Bill and attacked the Vatican, saying, "bring it on. If I can handle a secretary one-handed, I can take on some God-bothering Twat in a silly hat who wants to stop me from Saving The World. How many divisions does the Pope have, anyway?"

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