Solving the World's problems with common sense and a flamethrower.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

An Announcement From MiniTrue


Rejoice, for the wise counsel of the Great Leader, The Saviour of the World, has brought us a great leap closer to the nirvana of a Great Socialist Future!

Comrades! Our glorious workers, eager to support New Labour in this, the third year of the Third Five-Year Plan, have produced 101,190 cars last year, up 64.8% on last year. The Great Leader's sage scrappage scheme has ensured that more British workers now have access to an automobile than ever before in history, while also ensuring that because there are no British manufacturers left, all the revenue goes to our European allies.

Comrades! This wonderful news of our Glorious Success in manufacturing is complemented by the reduction in mortgage lending to 9.1bn, the lowest level in ten years, as the British people reject the bourgeois concept of home ownership and choose instead to live in one of the cars built in our glorious country under the supervision of the Great Leader and his Cabinet.

Comrades! The Great March to a Socialist Utopia continues apace, as now 8 million Britons no longer need to work - their needs and means supplied by the glorious Great Leader and his Cabinet. Remember, Comrades, economic inactivity is the Sign of our Socialist Future, as the needs of the many are met by the needs of the few evil capitalists who still want to work for a living.

Comrades! Your glorious Government has also achieved another first, with the first time in recorded history that money has had to be borrowed in January. Our reduced taxation income shows that our Glorious Socialist Future of complete economic inactivity is driving forward towards inevitability.

Rejoice, Comrades, at the glorious New Socialist Britain brought to you by the Great Leader and his Cabinet!

Comrades! Reports from the Front Line indicate that our latest offensive in Afghanistan, under the strategic vision of the Great Leader, has been a Glorious Victory, with the Taliban pushed back and many terrorists and insurgents, who would if left alone threaten our Great Way of Life, killed or captured. This valiant action, Comrades, could bring the War within measurable distance of its end.

Glory is ours, Comrades, as the Glorious Socialist Future beckons under the visionary leadership of the Great Leader and his Cabinet.

Stay by your Telescreens for further announcements on this joyous day, Comrades.

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Bill Quango MP said...

Long live the leader!
One question. The war against Ocianastan and Euraq,
Is this still going on, or has it been won, or did it never happen?

Brennig said...

Aww, cmon. These people are to socialism what Gengis Khan was to social work.

Obnoxio The Clown said...

The phrase "we are so fucked" comes to mind.

patently said...

Patience, Obo. Soon, it will be them. May is not long.

Frank P said...

Judging by your picture you were not around then, but that could have been directly adapted from Radio Tass circa 1952, when for intel purposes I was knobbing their morse propaganda transmissions. Wonderful parody!