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Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Muslims to be Exempt from Airport Scanners

Body scanners: seeing women might 'inflame the passions'.

The Government have confirmed that Muslim travellers will not be subjected to full-body scanners, after concerns were raised by rights groups.

The new technology has been implemented at Heathrow and Manchester airports to answer security concerns after the failed attempt to bomb a US-bound passenger aircraft on Christmas Day.

Islamic rights body Al-Qaeda has written to Transport Secretary Andrew 'The Body' Adonis to express their concern about the scanners, which they say violate a number of closely-held religious beliefs including the modesty of women and the right of Muslims to blow shit up whenever they feel like it.

Lord Adonis said, "we have received and recognise the concerns of the Islamic community and it is important that our need for security does not violate legitimate religious beliefs.

"Therefore, we believe it is right to implement the same socially-fair and equitable approach as was taken with Sikhs and motorcycle helmets, and exempt Muslims from the rules."

A UK Borders Agency spokesman said that new measures were being introduced in lieu of the scanners. He said, "we have to be sensitive to the sensitivities of sensitive communities. Obviously we can't use the scanners, as seeing underneath the burqa of a Muslim woman might inflame the passions of our scanning officers much more than the two pneumatic, 19-year-old Swedish blondes who went through half a minute beforehand wearing nothing but bikini tops. And we shouldn't pull Muslims aside for a body-search, as that would be racial profiling and thus discriminatory.

"Therefore, we have designed a security form for Muslim travellers, which they will have to sign before boarding and in which they'll have to promise that they're not going to blow shit up, and that they haven't got four pounds of Semtex stuffed down their underpants."

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