Solving the World's problems with common sense and a flamethrower.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Dear BT Broadband. . .

Dear BT Broadband

I have, on occasion, lauded you to the very skies for your quick responses and your pleasing habit of passing me through to Second Line rather than going through the usual, interminable 'Reboot, Reboot, Reinstall' scripts your Helldesk are equipped with.

No more. No longer. You have, it pains me to admit, incurred a full helping of The Wrath of Dungeekin.

Six months ago, the DSL connection at Vitriol Towers developed an irksome tendency to lose line sync. This problem was reported to yourselves, and you sent an engineer who identified a short in the junction box outside the Towers, and remedied the problem.

Fast forward four months, and the DSL connection at Vitriol Towers develops an irksome tendency to lose line sync. The problem is intermittent, except when it rains, when it becomes almost impossible to browse the Web, as the router can't hold sync.

I report this to you, battle my way past the linguistically-challenged guardians of Cluelessness that constitute your Helldesk, and finally, having passed the Trials, get to the Clued denizens of your Network faults department. We troubleshoot together, off they go to diagnose. I am called 24 hours later and advised, "the engineer has been to the exchange and fixed the problem".

Guess what? The problem wasn't fixed. I still have an irksome tendency to lose line sync - and now I am significantly more irked with you.

I have now repeated this little interaction with you pretty much every time it's rained since the beginning of February.

Your Helldesk have phoned me every day this week and told me, "the engineer has been to the exchange and fixed the problem". Every time it has NOT been fixed, and every time I have explained the symptoms - again - and requested the presence of an on-site engineer. Every time this is agreed to, and I'm told I will be called for an appointment.

And the next day? You're back on the fucking phone, telling me the fucking engineer has been to the fucking exchange and fixed the fucking problem that isn't in the fucking exchange, it's outside my fucking house, as I've been fucking telling you for the last two fucking months!

My patience, limited at the best of times, is now exhausted. I have had my fill of dealing with your 'Muppet Show' rejects who, when given a full array of external symptoms, try to diagnose the WLAN connection they were told 15 minutes previously was working fine. I am sick of explaining that no, the OS I am running has precisely sod-all to do with whether or not I have DSL line sync. And if one more person phones me to tell me that "the engineer has been to the exchange and fixed the problem" - well, I have a big stick with a nail in, and I won't be responsible for my actions.

BT Broadband - fix the problem. Fix it now, and fix it as permanently as possible. If you do not fix the problem, rest assured I will be resolving MY personal problem with you - and that resolution will involve Ofcom, thermite, mains voltage and a healthy dose of inflammable liquids. And you'd better fucking believe it'll be permanent.


Yours Synclessly



Anonymous said...

What the fuck are you with them for?

They're Phorm partners!

Fidothedog said...

Do they employ the same puppets as NTL/Virgin Media I wonder.

Another bunch of ass clowns who read a sodding script and rote speak the same problem solution over and over.