Solving the World's problems with common sense and a flamethrower.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Time and Halfords

A Halfords 'sales assistant' in repose
Dear Halfords

Time is a precious commodity. No matter who we are, no matter what our role, be it executive, engineer or stereo-fitter, there is never enough time. It's vital that what few, fleeting hours we have on this Earth are filled and gainfully used, not frittered away on wasteful and pointless acts.

So thank YOU, Halfords, for wasting over three of MY valuable hours, not to mention an hour of The Darling G's time just for good measure.

I first came in last Saturday. Having spent a not-inconsiderable amount of time being bounced from pointless droid to pointless droid, I found myself in conversation with one of your risibly-titled 'Sales Assistants', where I stated my requirements - a Parrot MKi9200 handsfree system. "No problem", says the salesdroid. "Do I need any additional parts?", I ask. "No", replies the droid, "not for a Saab 9-5". "When can you fit it?", I eagerly respond. "We can't do it today, as our fitter isn't in - but bring it back on Sunday. No need to book", says she.

So. Roll on to this Sunday, and I zoom over to your good selves, arriving just as you open.

"Oh no", says a different droid. "You haven't booked. We can't just do it". *Sigh*. One lengthy discussion involving the droid, the fitter and various poorly-veiled threats of retribution later, a deal is struck, a time of 3pm that day agreed and my bank account lightened to the tune of £200. "That covers all the costs", says the droid. "We don't need any special kit for the Saab 9-5".

Back home, do the things I need to do keeping half an eye on the clock, and I pitch back up at Halfords at 2:55pm as agreed.

"Oh no", says the fitter - the very same fitter who had been involved in the original booking. "You need additional parts - a [insert name of mounting bracket], we can't fit it". *Boggle*.

Three trips. Multiple questions. Over three hours of waiting and discussing with the Epsilon Semi-Morons you choose to employ instead of sentient beings. And you can't get something as basic as 'what extra kit is needed to fit system X' correct. It's a miracle of modern satnav technology that you manage to get to the store every day.

So thank you, Halfords. That's several hours of my life (and over 100 miles of fuel) wasted interacting with idiots. I spent the journey home deep in consideration of all the ways I could enact my vengeance - but in the end there was only one option. I should set you on fire.

I would, but sadly I don't have the time.

Yours Bluetoothlessly



Henry North London 2.0 said...

This is why I have a Japanese car And I dont use a hands free I switch the phone off.

I also spent most of Sunday unconscious in bed asleep.

I dont know whats come over me A narcoleptic cloud or the fact that lent is approaching and with it the lack of carbohydrates.

Halfords are a pain in the neck I try not to engage with them

banned said...

I used to get similarly frustrated on a daily basis shopping in my nearby Somerfields, they don't open very early or late, they stock crap and that crap is often out of stock. They employ morons probably because they are cheap. Happily I moved recently to within walking distance of Tesco.

Hopefully they will grow large enough to be able to buy up the rest of the country soon and save what's left of the Brown disaster.

Bishop Brennan said...

When my brother got a weekend job at Halfords as a teenager, he immediately became known as 'Derrrrrrr... Halfords' amongst our friends.

I see little has changed since...

Unknown said...

Dear dungeekin,

Thank you for your interest in Parrot MKi9200 handsfree system.

To check if the Parrot system will fit in your Saab car, may we suggest you try our new car configurator on

Best regards,

Parrot team