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Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Hunting Ban to be Lifted

The Government has announced a lifting of the ban on hunting with hounds, just five years after its much-vaunted Hunting Act was introduced.

In an Early Day Motion tabled today by Chancellor Alistair Slugbalancer, the Government is to reintroduce the hunting of bankers under licenced and controlled conditions.

Mr Slugbalancer said, "everyone knows that we shouldn't hunt foxes because they're lovely, bright-eyed, gentle and pretty little creatures who never harm anything and who live an organic, vegan existence and never slaughter every chicken in a hen-house. I should know, I live in Islington.

"But we know that bankers are the most evil creatures on the planet, greedy and venal, and they bite the heads of company directors and things, so it's OK to hunt them into the ground and have them torn apart by hounds. We plan to start next Sunday with Fred Goodwin and go from there".

Under the terms of the Motion, bankers will be stripped naked, drenched in fox urine and, to imitate the fox's brush, will have a feather duster inserted into their bottom. They will then be released into the wild and given a 10-minute head start before being hunted across hill and dale by the hounds.

The Countryside Alliance welcomed the Government's move, saying that it would give them a chance to chase and murder something, and the Motion has also been backed by Guardian readers and commenters on Labour propaganda site Labialist.

Sky TV is understood to be bidding on the rights to broadcast the hunts, and sponsorship offers have flooded in from shareholder groups across the country.

However, the RSPCA has condemned the suggestion as 'cruel and sadistic', with spokesman Bert Doglover saying, "this is an absolute act of torture. How anyone can say it's acceptable to allow hounds to eat bankers I don't know. It's not fair on the dogs at all - it'll play merry hell with their digestion".

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