Solving the World's problems with common sense and a flamethrower.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Research Proves Cancer Studies Cause Cancer

A study to be published in medical journal The Lanced today has warned that studies into the incidence of cancer increase the risk of cancer.

The study, carried out by scientists at Oxford University, has identified that research into the causes of cancer is itself carcinogenic. The research comes hard on the heels of evidence that even a single glass of wine a day can cause cancer, and follows studies which have now proved that cancer can be caused by obesity, smoking, second-hand smoke, third-hand smoke, marijuana, fake tan, cellphone towers, salt, artificial sweetener, reality TV shows, HRT, processed food and the internet.

Professor Ima Boff, from Oxford University, studied the incidence and rate of increase in cancer sufferers and correlated these results with the incidence and rate of increase in studies about the causes of tumours. He said, "I was surprised to find that whenever a particular piece of research is carried out, it shows an increase in the number of diagnosed tumours relating to that research.

"This proves, conclusively, that the prevalence of studies into cancer is a dangerous development, as the studies are, in and of themselves, carcinogenic".

Secretary of State for Health Alan Johnson praised Professor Boff's report for its thoroughness, adding, "we will look at this worrying development in detail. The Cabinet is to consider legislation that will require all studies into the causes of cancer to carry a Health Warning similar to that found on cigarette packets, and we will also consider how the information within those reports is disseminated to minimise the carcinogenic risk to the general public".

The results of a detailed, Government-backed investigation in to whether life itself is carcinogenic and should therefore be banned are expected within the next month.

No comments: