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Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Children to Be Banned

Following yesterday's talks between Prime Mentalist Gordoom Brown and Chinese Premier Wen Jiabao yesterday, the Government has announced planned new cooperative environmental and population legislation.

Under the new laws, announced by the Government's Green Adviser Jonathan Porritt, families will be limited to no more than two children, with further offspring limited to replacement in the event of unexpected death, or subject to confirmation that the prospective parents are Labour voters. Additional allowances may be made to those who plant trees to offset the carbon footprint of their fertile loins.

Sipping a Fairtrade Herbal Latte and swinging in a recycled hemp hammock, Mr Porritt said, "anyone who has more than two children is irresponsible, and is damaging the environment. We need to bring in radical Green solutions, and as such are adopting the Chinese method of limiting families to two children - even if it means increasing abortions, and perhaps adopting the Chinese system for post-partum terminations".

Porritt, who underwent castration five years ago as part of his Green Party nomination process, added, "Our duty should be to Gaea first, and our lineage second. Fecundity is Failure to Face Facts".

However, chav campaigners have already pointed out a loophole in the planned legislation, with Britney Chavette of the Society for Protection of Benefits saying that because the law related only to 'families', the fact that she had six children from six different fathers meant she and other benefit-claimants were not subject to the new laws.

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