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Friday, February 13, 2009

Girls Aloud Sign New Contract

The band, shortly before going to work in Manchester's red-light district last night

Talent-free zone Girls Aloud have announced they have signed a new deal with their record label Fascination, despite recent reports that the group may be on the verge of breaking up.

The band have reportedly signed a six-figure deal with the company, on the understanding that they don't produce any more albums and thus protect normal human beings from their awful wailings.

The band had been reported to be on the verge of breaking up as each of the five harpies pursued independent projects.

Following her successful stint as eye-candy for Simon Cowell, Cheryl Cole is to hopefully bugger off to the States and never return, while the four other ones (whose names your Correspondent can't be bothered to look up) have all announced straight-to-bargain-bin solo projects, cameo roles in soap operas and kiss'n'tell exposees of how they worked their way through the entire Liverpool squad in one night.

Girls Aloud, who were originally part of yet another pointless TV 'talent' show, have released a string of dire assaults on eardrums across the world. Record company executive Tarquin Cokehead, of Fascination Records, said, "we're delighted to have signed the girls for another deal, and we look forward to bringing music-lovers blessed release from their caterwauling".

1 comment:

banned said...

More reasons not to listen to Radio 1 or 2.