Solving the World's problems with common sense and a flamethrower.

Thursday, January 07, 2010

Government Takes Over Grit Distribution

As freezing temperatures continue to bring large parts of the UK to an icy halt, and with many local authorities suffering from a shortage of grit, the Government has stepped in to bring some order to the delivery of future grit supplies.

The move brings into effect emergency legislation giving the Government control over the prioritisation of deliveries in an attempt to ensure that major routes across the UK remain clear.

Announcing the measure, Minister With An Inapt Name Lord Adonis said, "we want to reassure the British people that in this difficult climate, the job of gritting is an absolute priority for Labour and we will ensure that it is carried out in a socially fair and democratic way. We are therefore introducing a new regulatory body, OfGrit, whose remit will be to review and approve all future salt orders prior to fulfilment to ensure that they're going to Labour marginals they are not going to middle-class areas are going to the areas that need them most.

"Furthermore, I can announce today a Manifesto aspiration to invest eleventy-billion pounds into the salt distribution network over the next five years, allied to challenging new targets on spread, thickness and the delivery of grit to ethnic-minority areas. We are confident that these measures will result in a million per cent increase in efficiency by 2016. Which is much better than cuts by the nasty Tories".

The Diary attempted to get the opinions of local people on the Government's announcement, but they were too busy skidding around on Oxfordshire's ungritted A-roads.

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Rufus said...


manwiddicombe said...

In a move that I challenge you to parody the new organisation to deal with the distribution of grit is called Salt Cell.


Biffo said...

Excellent! That flamethrower would be handy right now - it would melt some of the ice on the roads.