Solving the World's problems with common sense and a flamethrower.

Wednesday, January 06, 2010

Climate Scientists: 'Snow is all your own fault'

As snowfall brought Britain to a complete standstill, climate scientists have announced that their data predicted the blizzards as a result of man-made Climate Change.

Scientists from the Climactic Research Unit at the University of East Anglia have announced that they knew the blizzards, which have seen upwards of six inches of snow falling in a few hours, were coming and that their data was correct all along.

Chief Data-Fudger at the CRU, Li Ing Git, said, "All this snow is the fault of man and CO2 emissions. We knew that this was going to happen as a result of Global Warming. I mean Global Cooling. I mean . . . er . . . well, we predicted it anyway. We're all doomed, and it's all the fault of people who won't recycle. Our data was correct all along. Honest. Well, I say 'correct' - what I mean is that by the time we've finished tweaking our graphs they'll look like we predicted it. Can we have some more money please?".

The start of the post-Millenial Ice Age has been welcome by paleoconservationists, who have appealed to the Government for funding to reintroduce the Woolly Mammoth and Sabre-Tooth Tiger into Hampshire and Oxfordshire.

In related news, the Met Office has announced a Severe End Of The World warning for southern England. BBC weathergirl Carol Kirkwood said, "we expect the snowfall to get considerably worse, with upwards of 20 metres of snow over the Home Counties in the next 12 hours. Daytime temperatures are unlikely to rise about -20, with a windchill factor similar to that found in the most isolated reaches of Antarctica. The satellite imagery shows that the River Thames is turning into a glacier which is expected to submerge Oxfordshire within the next five days, causing the end of all life as we know it. Anyone even opening a window for the next month will suffer instant hypothermic death."

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1 comment:

banned said...

So please that I migrated from the glacial moraine in which I spent my teenage years and twenties!

"what I mean is that by the time we've finished tweaking our graphs they'll look like we predicted it. "

That is exactly what they did do

Which on its initial airing, 27th November, said there was a 20% chance of a 'colder than usual winter' but, as I noted at the time, on 30th Dec ( with the Xmas cold snap over ) the graph mysteriously changed to '45% chance...' with no word of explanation.