Solving the World's problems with common sense and a flamethrower.

Friday, January 08, 2010

Witches Demand Change to 'Outdated' Simile

Patron of NSW: "witches' tit analogy is a complete load of warlocks".

The National Society of Witches have called for a new simile for cold weather, in the face of continuing Antarctic temperatures across the UK.

As parts of Britain shivered in -20 degrees, and ice and snow continued to cause havoc to roads, railways and airports, the Society said that the definition 'cold as a witches' tit' was 'defamatory and inaccurate for the conditions'.

The Patron of the National Society of Witches, HRH the Duchess of Cornwall, said, "the severity of this cold snap means that it is necessary to revisit this ancient and anachronistic slight on the mammary temperatures of Wiccans. It is quite clearly defamatory and inaccurate to imply that a witches' nipple should be colder than a consumer freezer".

The Duchess added, "research by our PR Department has clearly shown that the tit of the average British witch is colder than the tit of a normal woman by no more than 2 degrees. Mine aren't cold at all. Here, have a feel", at which point your correspondent made his excuses and left.

The Department of Simile Exactitude has responded to the Society's call by launching an investigation into the accuracy of the adage, using a carefully-selected sample of volunteer enchantresses. An interim simile has been recommended, and all journalists have been encouraged to use 'as cold as Harriet Harman's hole' until the results of their Inquiry are completed.

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Catosays said...

There's nothing nicer than warming up a cold nipple with one's tongue....but then I always was a pervert.

Bill Sticker said...

Also the polite version; 'colder than a witches heart'.

Anonymous said...

I believe in witches, (some of them) and they can do bad things.

If you are turned into a bull frog, don't say I didn't warn you.

Anonymous said...

Yes, you are a bit of Colonel Blimp, and should get with the programme. These days all sorts of things that were previously ridiculed are now taken seriously, parallel universes, aliens (even Boris Johnson does not dismiss the possibility of aliens) witches, and astrology.

For the truth about parallel universes read the above. I am trying to help you.