Solving the World's problems with common sense and a flamethrower.

Thursday, January 07, 2010

Brown Fires Entire Cabinet, Goes It Alone

Gollum Jong-Brown showing the single-handed approach.

In an unprecedented development, attempting to put an end to speculation regarding his leadership, Prime Minister Gollum Jong Brown last night fired his entire Cabinet and installed himself as Supreme Leader of Britain.

Brown reportedly took the decision to become a Dicktator after becoming disappointed at the terse and vague statements of 'support' he received from senior Cabinet members after yesterday's attempted coup by Geoff Hoon and Patricia Hewitt. Sources indicate that the PM became enraged after Alistair Darling, David Millipede and other unnamed Cabinet Ministers refused to grovel at his feet* and, in a flurry of four-letter oaths and flying phones, removed the entire Cabinet from their positions.

One senior Downing Street Civil Servant said, "When the Cabinet refused to kotow properly the PM started to get angry. He told them he'd run the country single-handed, and when Alistair said he'd heard that was Brown's normal method in life the PM completely lost it, screaming "you've all got it in for me" at the Cabinet before throwing them all out. He then barricaded himself into the LeaderBunker shouting that only he had the vision and power to save the country and the world, and all the people who couldn't see that were mad, and if they thought he was mad he'd show them mad, at which point he started cackling wildly and became largely unintelligible.

"Since then we have had a number of edicts emailed to us from the Bunker. For example, we have now been advised to ask you to refer to this as Browning Street, and we understand that the Treasury has been instructed to adopt the Brownd as the new UK currency. It is clear that the PM - sorry, I mean the Supreme Leader of Great Brownian - has adopted a siege mentality. He's pretty well ensconced in that bunker and our main concern is that he appears to have a supply of Ed Balls sufficient to last until at least May."

None of the Cabinet Ministers who were tenuously linked to the HooCoup were available for comment, as they were all collectively searching for either a spine or a pair of testicles.

*Though Ed Balls was, as always swift to kiss Brown's ring.

**Nobody ever said Gollum Jong Brown
was original.

Stumble Upon Toolbar


Rufus said...

Can we not wall up the doorways whilst the prat is inside????

Anonymous said...

Douglas Alexander. "We don't like Gordon, so why would voters?" and that is nice considering some of the comments above.

I'm sure Gordon Brown would like to do that. There comes a point when stubborness becomes totally self defeating.

The only thing that Gordon Brown can succeed in now is a suicide mission.