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Tuesday, January 26, 2010

UK Emerges from Recession

Green shoots of recovery - or the Triffid of impending inflation?

Prime Minister Gollum Brown has been hailed as an economic mastermind and the saviour of the UK, after Britain emerged, pale and blinking, from the dark days of Recession into the glorious daylight of a new Socialist future.

Figures released today from the Office of National Statistics validated the Great Leader's faith in the policy of Quantatitive Easing, after the UK economy was shown to have grown 0.1% in Q4. Analysts have subsequently confirmed that the return to growth was solely and identifiably attributable to Brown's actions.

Ben Counter, assistant economist at the ONS, said, "we can directly trace the emergence of the UK into growth to the actions of the Prime Minister. On December 29th, the PM purchased £25 worth of pasties and sausage rolls from Greggs the Bakers in Palmer Street SW1 to take into a Cabinet meeting as a snack. This single purchase was sufficient to turn stagnation to growth - as long as you ignore the impending double-dip impact of the VAT increase, the dilution of Sterling from the money printing and the current rate of inflation, that is."

However, Tory assertions that the 'green shoots of recovery' were in fact, the first sight of the 'Triffid of an inflationary spiral', have been denied by the Government.

Minister for Monetary Machinations, Lord Fondlebum of Fey, said, "this is proof that the Government's plan to borrow, spend and inflate our way out of Recession was the right thing to do. These latest figures show that we are well on track, and we can now look at the next phase of our investment strategy - to increase both inflation and deficit until the IMF steps in, and have them pay off our debt for us before we plunge headlong into the Euro".

Plans to hold a nationwide series of street parties to celebrate the brilliance of the Saviour of the World in freeing Britain from the capitalist yoke of disposable income have been temporarily shelved, as nobody in Britain can afford to buy cakes.

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