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Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Disaster Response Team Heads to UK

"Worth about the same as a scrap of Andrex"

A specialist Disaster Response team is flying into the UK today, as British Government departments struggle to cope with an impending financial disaster.

The emergency team has been provided by Zimbabwean President Robert Mugabe following a desperate plea by Prime Minister Gollum Brown for aid from his international socialist comrades.

The announcement comes as figures released today show that UK inflation jumped to 2.9% for December 2009 - the largest monthly rise since records began - and sparked fears that the Government strategy of printing money to hide the recession was leading to an inflationary spiral.

Downing Street sources said that the Disaster Response Team, which includes Spin Doctors, intelligence specialists, financial sector experts and emergency torturers, will be vital in supporting the Government response to the inflationary crisis.

The source said, "this team from Zimbabwe is a welcome addition, as they are highly experienced in dealing with the PR problems of hyperinflation. The advance team have already helped the BBC to spin the crisis as nothing to do with us, and we expect the financial consultants to offer a great deal of help with how many zeros will need to be added to Sterling to make it viable.

"And of course, the intelligence specialists and security staff will be used to help the Police maintain order by arresting and torturing anybody who tries to blame this inflation on our policy of printing money until a tenner had the face value of a scrap of Andrex".

There were reports of panic-buying of essentials, as the public responded to the news by ensuring they were stocked-up to last as long as possible. However, the PM appealed for calm in the wake of the news, saying, "this doesn't mean, of course, that the Pound here in Britain, in your pocket or purse or in your bank, has been devalued".

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