Solving the World's problems with common sense and a flamethrower.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Brown to Give Money to Everyone Else

Prime Minister Gollum Brown has announced plans to increase his popularity, by giving all the money still remaining in British coffers to other people.

Sources close to the PM said that Brown was intending to embark on a tour of developing nations, and would be handing out freshly-minted £10 notes to passers by on the proviso that they say . "thank you, Gordon, you're my friend and the Saviour of the World".

The move was reportedly suggested by key Ministers including Ed Balls and Jack Straw, and follows a series of negative polls showing the popularity of the PM at a lower ebb than even John Major at his nadir. Mr Brown had reportedly taken himself into the No. 10 garden on hearing the news, where he was eating worms before being coaxed back in by his Cabinet.

Minister for Prime Ministerial Ministrations, Lord Fondlebum of Fey, said, "Gordon believes that this is the right thing to do. It is clear that pretty much nobody in Britain likes him any more, so by handing out yet more taxpayer money in the middle of a recession to people in third-world countries they might think he's a nice person.

"Additionally, Gordon has come to the conclusion that with the election coming up, there might still be some money left in the coffers by the time we're turfed out, which would be incompatible with our economic policy. Plus, we hate you all."

However, the scheme to give what little cash Britain has left to absolutely everyone else has not met with universal approval. Residents of Haiti have started a campaign against the offer, with their spokesman saying,"even in their straitened circumstances, the people of Haiti would rather be given US dollars, Chinese Yuan or even UAE Dirhams - in fact any currency that isn't completely bloody valueless. Plus, we hate Gollum too".

Stumble Upon Toolbar

1 comment:

thespecialone said...

This may have been tongue in cheek....but I wouldnt count on it being so!!!