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Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Greenpeace Demand Santa Flight Ban

'Claus the Climate Criminal' in flight.

Environmental pressure group Greenpeace have called for an immediate moratorium on global flights by Father Christmas, citing concerns over emissions.

Scientists for Greenpeace claim that Saint Nicholas, whose annual flight takes him around the earth's 40,000km circumference several times, poses a 'clear and present risk' of 'climate change' and is 'criminally irresponsible'.

Greenpeace spokesman Rob Guerterbock said, "the profligate expense of greenhouse gases into the atmosphere by Father Christmas is totally unacceptable in a modern, climate-conscious society.

"Using reindeer as a propulsion system is particularly damaging. Our research already shows that ruminants produce large quantities of methane, which is even more damaging than CO2. When one considers Dasher, Dancer Prancer, Vixen, Comet Cupid, Donner and Blitzen all under a stop-start load for several million kilometres, it is easy to see the vast environmental impact, all done in a single night. Consideration must also be given to the inebriated state of Mr Claus, and the inevitable increase in gaseous emissions caused by his unhealthy consumption of mince pies and sherry".

Mr Guertebock called on all nations currently signed to the Kyoto Treaty to ban overflights by Santa's sleigh under environmental legislation, and added that countries should be prepared to 'shoot down Claus the Climate Criminal' if necessary.

In a separate development, Greenpeace have announced their own environmentally-sound winter festival, Gaiamas, with a responsible 'Saint Gaia', who travels to children's homes in a G-Wiz charged from renewable sources delivering low-carbon recycled toys to children, and lengthy climate-change tracts to parents. However, they have admitted that given the top speed of the G-Wiz in comparison to Santa's sleigh, they will need to increase the duration of the 'Gaiamas' holiday season to approximately 14 months.

Saint Nicholas's spokesdeer Ruud Oorlf vehemently denied that Saint Nicholas was damaging the climate, and added, "they're on The List, all of them. And not the good kids' list, if you know what I mean. There's a few envirowonks getting coal in their recycled-hemp stockings this year".

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