Solving the World's problems with common sense and a flamethrower.

Friday, December 11, 2009

A Charitable Appeal

This is a Public Appeal from the Society Against the Impoverishment of Parliamentarians

Right now, in YOUR constituency, a Member of Parliament is suffering.

These historic creatures, evolved to be able to recognise the scent of an expensable claim at 300m, now face extinction. Changes in the political climate mean their Habitat furniture is at serious risk. Many face a future of penury with only their £64,000 salary, second-home allowance, index-linked superannuated pension fund, public speaking engagement income and non-executive directorships to survive on.

You can help.

Please give £2 a month, or whatever you can, to the Society Against the Impoverishment of Parliamentarians.

Your £2 can help ensure that Ed Balls can still watch Ossett Town FC, and that Graham Allen's wife can still get the FT and Wall St Journal delivered.

Just £10 can help Claire Ward redecorate her Westminster flat so she doesn't have to pay for it out of her salary, or aid Jacqui Smith's husbands' attempts to watch porn in private.

And a donation of just £21,000 can help poor, bereft Quentin Davies refurbish the bell-tower of his stately home.

Please, help the Society Against the Impoverishment of Parliamentarians help starving and endangered MPs. We should pay, so they don't have to. Please call (0800) 473 3392 8687* and give £2 per month, or whatever you can.

And remember - if you don't give it willingly they'll just tax it out of you anyway.

Thank you.

*Left as an exercise for the reader.

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Anonymous said...

Think I'll pass. At least £1.98 will end up in Gordon's back pocket as an "administration fee"

Anonymous said...

Excellent, as always!

I've had an idea for something, based on your post, but you don't appear to have an email address on which I can contact you for an OK ;-(

Bertha Inglenook-Geekin said...

If you weren't my nephew I would have called the family lawyer by now. I thought we'd resolved this issue at the last family meeting. I'm genetically big-boned and my size is therefore none of my own fault.

I've told your mother and she is disappointed that you've brought up these old slurs. If you persist in these rumours I will have no choice but to take out an injunction stopping you from referring to my size.

Aunt Bertha

P.S. Your mother asks if you'd like cheese on toast for tea tonight.