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Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Shock as Government Manages a Sane 24 Hours

Cabinet: all struck by a freak wave of common-sense.

Pollsters and pundits were united in shock today, after it was revealed that the UK Government had managed to go a complete day without doing anything stupid.

TV news organisations and the Press have been at a complete standstill, with some news programmes resorting to music in the absence of inane Government decisions. The shock revelation comes following what appears to be a freak wave of perspicacity struck the Government, causing the entire Cabinet all to keep their cretinous traps shut for a full day.

Sky News anchorman Eamonn Holmes said, "quite frankly, this is unprecedented. I can't remember a time ever before when the entire Government managed to go fully 24 hours without tripping over their own feet or inserting a foot into their collective mouths. Normally we would expect several 'Breaking News' pieces covering knee-jerk U-Turns, borderline-fraudulent expenses claims, ridiculous and unenforceable legislation or a rant about 'fat cats', but we've had nothing today. At the very least, we can normally rely on the PM to get embarrassingly lost in an official building, but today? Not a sausage."

Minister for Everything Lord Fondlebum denied that today's outbreak of rational was deliberate, saying, "I would like to assure the British people that this is merely a short-term blip in apparent competence.

"The Government would like to assure the British people that we will be returning to our Keystone Kops-esque levels of risibility within 24 hours, starting with the PM's New Year address at which he will spout the usual completely unbelievable economic bollocks in his usual wonky-jawed monotone, then we will be getting on with the job of nitwittedness as normal."

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