Solving the World's problems with common sense and a flamethrower.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Parents giving children alcohol 'fuels binge drinking'

Binge drinking: Purely middle-class, nothing to do with unengaged parents and chavs with White Lightning.

The Government's chief medical adviser has called for new legislation to be introduced to protect middle-class children from the dangers of binge drinking.

Sir Liam Donaldson said that 'the middle-class obsession' of allowing children to taste alcohol from an early age was leading children toward dangerous activities in adulthood.

Sir Liam said, "our interpretation of scientific evidence* indicates that children under the age of 15, in middle-class families, who are given watered-down alcohol with a meal, are at increased risk of binge drinking. This middle-class obsession can, and does, lead to alcoholism, drug addiction and, worst of all, an increased risk of voting Tory. Obviously this is something that we cannot accept for children.

"We are therefore seeking to implement legislation ensuring that middle-class children under the age of 15 are not exposed to alcohol in any way. This includes a ban on sales of alcohol to parents, legislation to make it illegal to drink in front of a minor and further legislation imposing severe penalties on any parent taking a child to what could be classed as a 'drink-fuelled event'. This class-based and reprehensible attempt by middle-class parents to prepare their children for adulthood must stop."

Sir Liam said that the Department of Health was 'liaising closely' with the Children's Minister to assess the likelihood of new legislation requiring middle-class children to be wrapped in cotton wool and hermetically sealed in an oxygen tent until their majority, but added that the planned legislation would not affect the provision of alcohol to the usual gangs of feral council-estate chavs or to core Labour voters.

However, the Chief Medical Officer's comments were attacked by middle-class families. The Diary spoke to one parent, who simply said, "tasting alcohol promotes binge-drinking, does it? Explain France and Italy, then.".

*That is, the scientists said one thing and the Government said something completely different while putting the scientists under NDA.

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Dippyness. said...

One word. BOLLOCKS!
'nuff said.

banned said...

Sir Liam should do what he promised once he confessed that his Swine Flu Pandemic was just another hoax and scam, take early retirement.
My car is in the menders so I'm off for an alcohol fuelled frenzy.

Ted Treen said...

I can only agree with both Dippyness and banned.

Dippyness's one-word comment is perfect.