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Friday, April 03, 2009

New Archbishop: "Homosexuality Not A Sin"

The Archbishop proudly displays his newly-issued Altar-Boy Restraining Hook.

In a startling interview given exclusively to The Diary of A Geek, newly appointed Archbishop of Westminster Vincent Nichols has openly supported homosexuality.

In his first interview since his promotion by Pope Adolf Von Benedict XVI, the Archbishop admitted that in some cases, homosexuality could not be deemed a sin and would not be punishable by Hell, Purgatory or any other form of eternal damnation.

Nichols, 63, will be the new leader of the Holy Roman Catholic Reich in England and Wales, and his remarks indicate a split from traditional Catholic dogma.

His Archbishopness said, "clearly, in almost all cases contraception and homosexuality are cardinal sins - especially homosexuality. For is it not written that a man shall not lie with a man as a woman? I think it is. Somewhere, anyway. But where was I...oh, yes. BUT, it's OK if the homosexual concerned is a Catholic priest, because God knows that he'll be guilty about it all the time, so by his repentance will he be saved and all that. Unless he uses a condom. That's right out, obviously, because it's two cardinal sins in one buggery. It's bareback or burn, if you know what I mean".

The Archbishop has also announced new posts to be created within the Diocese of Westminster, including a team of specially-trained Catamites under his own tutelage. Jonathan King is also joining the Archbishops' team as Choirmaster.


Bishop Basher said...

Bugger it!

banned said...

So it'll be alright for a priest to poke a choirboy up the vestry so long as he leaves the Durex at home ?

Infidel753 said...

These guys need to stop letting seminarians get into their rectories. It's unsafe sects!