Solving the World's problems with common sense and a flamethrower.

Friday, December 05, 2008

The Prat who cut VAT

(With apologies to Dr Seuss)

Our pockets were bare,
We'd no money to play,
No food in the house,
and our mortgage to pay.

I sat there with Sally,
We sat there, we two,
and I said "how I wish
That we had voted Blue!"

To poor to go out,
Business gone to the wall,
So we sat in the house,
And did nothing at all.

And then. . . something went 'Bump'!
How that bump made us jump!

We looked - and we saw him step in on our mat!
We looked and we saw him!
The Prat who cut VAT!
And he said to us "why do you sit there like that"?

"I know that right now,
There's a shortage of money,
But we can have lots of good fun,
Because the UK's in a position of strength to weather the global economic downturn, with low debt and solid investment following the prudent actions of this Labour Government which has introduced a fair economic system and ensured reasonable taxation and eleventy-million Quarters of unprecedented economic growth and banished boom and bust and so you can do things which are funny!"

"I know some good games we could play",
Said the Prat.
"I know some new tricks",
Said the Prat who cut VAT.
"A lot of good tricks,
I will show them to you,
And never again will you.
Want to vote Blue".

"Look at me! Look at me now!" said the Prat,
"With a mountain of debt,
On the top of my hat!
I can prop up the Banks,
I can borrow some more,
I can offset your interest,
Give tax breaks to all!
I can give cash to Iceland,
While tax receipts fall!
And look! I can tell everybody I care,
As I generate borrowing out of thin air!"

And then he ran out
And then, fast as a fox,
The Prat who cut VAT
Came back in with a box.
A big red wood box,
It was shut with a hook
"Now look at this trick",
Said the Prat. "Take a look!"

"I will pick up the hook.
You will see something new.
Two things. And I call them
Thing One and Thing Two.
These Things will not bite you.
They want to have fun."
Then, out of the box
Came Thing Two and Thing One!
And they ran to us fast.
They said, "How do you do?
Would you like to shake hands
With Thing One and Thing Two?"

Thing Two and Thing One!
They messed up! They briefed down!
They made masses of laws
To tie all of us down!
They brought in ID cards,
Arrested MPs,
And they spent yet more money,
On each awful wheeze!

Then I cast out my Vote.
It came down with a PLOP!
And I had them! At last!
All these Things had to stop.
Then I said to the Prat,
"Now you do as I say.
You and Gordon pack up
And you go far away!"

"Oh dear!" said the Prat,
"You have worked out our game
Oh dear.
What a shame!
What a shame!
What a shame!"

Then he shut up the Things
In the box with the hook.
And the Prat went away
With a sad kind of look.

And Sally and I did not know
What to say.
Now the Prat who cut VAT
Had pissed the money away

We had voted about it,
But what could THEY do?
Our country was screwed
Even BY voting Blue.


Hedgewytch said...

Very Clever ;) Mr Master Wordsmith

Anonymous said...

This is why I read your blog - classic dungeekin!

Anonymous said...

This is why I emigrated to New Zealand!!

Bill Quango MP said...

Very good. Prat an' the Vat