Solving the World's problems with common sense and a flamethrower.

Monday, March 01, 2010

No Great Shakes

The Terry/Bridge handshake: you'd be amazed how little of a shit I give.

I have a question.

I should confess, this post is on a subject about which I know little, and cherish my ignorance, so if I'm being utterly cretinous bear with me.


As far as I'm concerned football is 22 overpaid, over-hyped, extravagantly-coiffed and unimportant prima-donnas kicking an inflated pigs bladder around a field, occasionally putting it in a big net box and sometimes falling over clutching their faces if another prima donna gets within fifteen feet of them. Oh, and spitting. And swearing at the poor sod refereeing.

But despite that, I'm conscious that there are many deluded souls for whom this dire little pastime is more important than life itself. I'm also dimly aware that later this year, 352 of said overpaid, over-hyped prima donnas will be kicking their pig's bladder around fields in South Africa.

And of course, England will be taking a team of prima donnas, and an even larger team of violent drunks*, to South Africa where, in the face of rampant expectation, we will lose embarrassingly.

And in the midst of all the news of a collapsing economy, death and destruction, global warming/cooling/changing/whatever gets funding, bullying Prime Ministers, starving children, earthquakes in Haiti and Chile and whichever pointless sleb is getting her latest divorce, the thing most exercising the TV News is which overpaid, overhyped prima-donna stays in the England team - the philanderer, or the cuckold?

Let's look at this from a management perspective, if this happened with 'ordinary people' in your employ. If the impropriety of one of your members of staff led to a complete breakdown of trust within the team, would you accept the loss of another senior team member - the wounded party in the piece - or get rid of the one who caused the problem in the first place?

I know which I would do.

But the far, far more important question is this: who really, with everything else that's going on in the world, thinks that this is a matter of national import? Is a handshake really, honestly more important than the second-worst 'shake' on record, in which over 700 people are believed to have perished?

So, news organisations: grow up, and get a grip on the real priorities, or I shall be forced to remind you of the spectacular triviality of football and footballists by setting you on fire.
UPDATE: Well done to Al Jahom, who's managed to achieve the seemingly impossible and found an actual USE for football.

*Given the past performances of England teams, one wonders how to tell the difference between the two groups.

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Geek in Hampshire said...

Bravo! Hear, hear!!

patently said...

As a young lad, I was always confused why my Dad used to get so upset when 11 men that he did not know personally and who did not grow up near to where he grew up has failed to kick an inflated pig's bladder into a wooden rectangle as often as had 11 other men that he did not know personally and who did not grow up near to where he grew up.

This disappointment would arrive most Saturday afternoons and then again (in spades) every fourth summer. So, when asked whether I wanted to go with him to "the football", I would decline.

I still don't understand the attraction.

Anonymous said...

Um you forgot to do the maths with subs included

Not a biggy

Hope your well

Mark S

Dungeekin said...


I probably did forget the subs.

As I said at the start, I cherish my ignorance about the game.

I'm not sure that a difference of (insert pointless number of substitutes which I can't be bothered to work out) players makes a difference to the substantive thrust of my post.

Still, as you say, it's not a biggy.


Anonymous said...

Quite right, sir.

However, since we're on the subject of Pigsbladder Pursuit, perhaps you'll permit me a touch of link whoring ;o)

Maybe now they’ll see, when Gordon’s goons kill Portsmouth FC

Football is the way to the hearts of many people. Show them an example of Labour's goblins stabbing it to death and they may just get it.