Solving the World's problems with common sense and a flamethrower.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

UK Space Agency Unveiled

The UK Space Agency's manned mission to Jupiter on the launch-pad.

Britain will come one step closer to exploring the mysteries of space today as a new National Space Agency is unveiled.

The futuristic body will bring Government departments and research bodies together 'under one roof' to maximise exploration potential.

Fred Von Braun, spokesman for the new - and as-yet unnamed - agency said, "the creation of a new national space agency will do wonders for investment, and allow us to investigate and research the very deepest regions of hitherto uncharted territories. We will leap into the unknown. We have a continuing mission - to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilisation. To boldy screw up grammar that no space agency has screwed up before."

It is believed that the agency's first mission, tentatively scheduled for May 2010, is to launch a probe that will attempt to prove beyond doubt the existence of 'dark matter', the mysterious substance physicists believe makes up a massive percentage of space but which has never conclusively been proved to exist.

Mr Von Braun said, "proving the existence of dark matter is a huge challenge, and will require us to venture into the deepest of voids, working in a complete vacuum. There can be nothing - nothing at all - to interfere with the operation of our sensors if we are to locate and identify dark matter.

"Therefore, our research teams have decided that in the first instance, we will launch a probe into the deepest void we can find - the moral conscience of the Labour Party."

Sources at US space agency NASA have welcomed the announcement by the British agency. A spokesman said that they would be 'very interested' in seeing the results from the British probe, ahead of their 2012 mission to the deepest recesses of Dick Cheney's heart - believed to be the darkest place in existence.

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Uncle Marvo said...

Dear Minister,

You couldn't find Uranus with both hands.

Regards - Marvo

PS I thought we were short of money? Is this what we're borrowing a fiver a second for?

Alistair Coleman said...

I spent my lunch break contemplating dark matter.

Guinness - is there nothing you can't do?