Solving the World's problems with common sense and a flamethrower.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Outrage at Mock School Shooting

Children at a Midlands school were left shocked and traumatised after a mock shooting of a teacher as part of a science lesson, it was reported today.

Reports state the incident began when an alarm thought to be a simple fire drill sent students, aged 10 to 13, into the playground.

"They were standing in the playground, and then a man appeared in the distance holding a gun," said Vikki Woosey, whose son is in Year 6 at the school, according to London's Telegraph.

A science teacher was then "shot," and other staff members rushed to his aid.

"It was 10 minutes later that they told the children that it wasn't real, and that it was all a joke," another parent told the Telegraph.

Children in class 3b, who were taking the lesson aimed at teaching them how evidence of crime was collected and investigated, were said to be 'shocked and appalled' by the event.

Preston Chav, 13, who is a student at Blackminster Middle School, where the 'shooting' took place, said, "it was disgusting, and I was really shocked."

"Firstly, the shooter weren't holding the gat right. He had it upright and that ain't gangsta, it should be sideways, innit. And what's with having like a poncy 9mm? If they'd asked they could've borrowed me .40, or the Uzi off my mate in 4c, and do the fucker proper, braa. And one shot? What's the point of that, yeah? Empty the clip if you're gonna pop a cap, proper, innit."

Members of the School Council also condemned the science lesson as 'unrealistic' and have offered to consult on future school shootings in future to ensure a correct and accurate representation of gang violence.

Members of So Solid Crew were unavailable for comment.

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janina davison-forder said...

It was the very next day that the schools board of governors were to call an emergency meeting. They had to take this incident very seriously or it would happen again. The children could be seriously damaged by this incident, swift action had to be taken...

The offending educators were soon summoned by the board to face the prosecution of the parents and governor's. They approached the meeting table very worried by the whole situation. As they stood in that few seconds of deadly silence the saw their careers ending and their houses repossessed.
it was to be the chairman of te board that addressed the offending teaching staff. A mr yarly, he spoke to the set of science teachers in a way they had never experienced before...

"ya we ere at da bored thingy, is not appy wid ur beeee aviour... or wat u did init. we tink you r da 1's dat need 2b taught a lesson"

The teachers were shocked as they discovered that they had no worries of being fired. It was the decision of the board to send them on a comprehensive traning course they were not to return until they had completed the the syllabus. They were sent to the east side university of stetson and western. they were not to be permitted to practice (or actually work) within the field of education until they had done so.

The board was disgusted at the way way they portrayed deadly gun crime as a joke. what was worse is the fact they had made this half hearted exaple of dramtics within a physics lesson! This was surely more suited to biology even chemistry may of been a more acceptable subject.
upon their return they were told to continue with the previously set lesson plans for the term in an appropriate manner. should they do otherwise they would loose their positions (on the football team) and maybe even their jobs!

So they arrived in class, but this time under the strict supervision of Mr yarly.
after 20 minutes one teacher was called out to to receive a prvate phone call in the staff room.
A further 5 minutes later there was a great crash from outside the classrooms. The children instinctively ran out to see what the commotion was all about.

There stood in front of them was the returning teacher. He appeared to be in possession of a rocket launching device, across his shoulders lie a sash that played host to what looked like grenades , although may of bee manually activated explosive devices, we are still not sure.
His face smothered in a thick black boot polish, dressed in a very noticeable camouflaged ensemble.

The children began to laugh so hard that one was close to passing out after the onset of a very nasty asthma attack.
The made up mentor then rose his device to aim it straight at his colleague. The children were just about to burst out in laughter. Although were left open jawed mid chuckle.

As the contents of the device was propelled in the direction of the 2nd tutor. he was thrown into the air and propelled just as the device, across the basketball court and upon meeting with the adventure playground was engulfed in a ball of flame. Leaving the wooden adventure playground quite badly damaged.
The children were screaming and crying, a few begun to be violently sick!

The chairman mr yarly approached the idiotic brute of a teacher and started screaming as loud as he could...

" raa what is u doin blad, naa u did not just ... wot did i say mon, reefer wheres da reefer , dats it you is saked!"

Anonymous said...

I was pissing myself but seriously the staff involved should be given their P45s.

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