Solving the World's problems with common sense and a flamethrower.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Fears Grow Over Latest Legal High

Gallusgallus Accrescoanatidiate - a new 'legal high' with dangerous effects.

Health watchdogs and drugs campaigners have called for urgent action to protect young people from a new 'legal high', which they say could have dangerous or even fatal effects.

The news comes in the wake of the deaths of two 19-year-old men who collapsed and died after taking the legal high Mephedrone - known as 'Meow Meow' - but campaigners fear the latest craze could be even more dangerous to users.

Gallusgallus Accrescoanatidiate*, or GGA - more commonly known by its street name of 'Whiskas', is legally available in tablet form, though it is more commonly ground into powder and snorted by users seeking its potent effects.

Toxicologist Charlie Sniffer, who leads the campaign 'No To Legal Highs' said, "we are deeply concerned about the potential impact of 'whiskas' on the young people of Britain. Gallusgallus Accrescoanatidiate is a potent drug. Its effects include delusions leading to climbing high trees and buildings, violence towards others, loss of bladder control and speech impediments. There is some evidence to indicate that the body cannot tolerate the narcotic, which builds up in the body and leads, in many cases, to death on the tenth use."

"Our research indicates that 'whiskas' is the legal high of choice for eight out of ten recreational drug users, despite the massive risk imposed by this dangerous drug. It is wrong that it is legally available - in many cases, over the counter in local shops accessible by young children - when it poses so many dangers."

A spokesman for the Department of Health said that they were looking at the impact of Gallusgallus Accrescoanatidiate as 'a matter of urgency', and that initial scientific reports indicated that the high protein content of the drug could lead to worrying side effects including kidney failure. Health Secretary Andy Burnham echoed the concerns, and added that he was considering legislation to ensure Gallusgallus Accrescoanatidiate could only be obtained on prescription or in specially-licensed shops.

However, common-sense activists have called for the Government to stop short of an outright ban. A spokesman for pressure group Sense Has Its Time, which campaigns on issues of knee-jerk legislation, said, "the fact is, you can't ban all the 'legal highs', because you're always behind the curve. If you ban something, you just make it naughtier and thus more desirable, and there'll always be a new one coming out for brainless kids to stick up their noses. Where do you stop - banning cat food?"

*Gallusgallus Accrescoanatidiate, for those who couldn't be bothered to work it out.

Stumble Upon Toolbar


patently said...

Hang on. I've got it.

We need to ban the habit of banning things. We could introduce the "Prevention of Preventing Things Act 2010" which would make it an offence to:

(a) ban things
(b) incite the banning of things
(c) enforce a banned ban
(d) hinder an attempt by any person to prevent the banning of a thing.

Then, we just wait for the first attempt to ban something, snitch on them to the Met, and watch with joy as the entire Righteous establishment is tied up in the circular interplay of (c) and (d).

Jock Coats said...

This looks so much better than that so called "plant food" - all I got from that was cauliflower ears!

Can't wait to give a go. Local shops you say?

Unknown said...

Many of the people won't stop consuming Legal Highs because this is not the issue of present, but from several years the researches have been going on to attempt to get high. Off course who ever have already started consuming will continue to do so.