Solving the World's problems with common sense and a flamethrower.

Tuesday, March 02, 2010

UK 'Ready to Mediate' in US Territory Dispute

Friends don't let friends abuse Botox.

The United Kingdom 'stands ready' to mediate in a dispute between the United States and Russia over the ownership of Alaska, Foreign Secretary David Millipede has said.

The announcement follows a statement from US Secretary of State Hilary Thyroid-Imbalance that the United States would assist in the ongoing territorial dispute between the UK and Argentina over the Falkland Islands.

Speaking as she met Argentine President Cristina Fernandez, Mrs Thyroid-Imbalance said, "wWe would like to see Argentina and the UK sit down and resolve the issues between them in a peaceful and productive way."

Mr Millipede said, "we welcome the offer from the United States. However, in return for their offer to get involved in mediation about handing over British territory - territory that is, I should add, British by the choice of its occupants - we would like to offer our services in a similar vein. For example, Alaska was purchased from the Russians for an absurdly cheap price. Obviously the United States views this land as their territory, yet it could be said that Russia has a valid claim. Therefore, the UK stands ready to mediate in negotiations with Russia for the return of this oil-rich land.

"Additionally, We are more than willing to assist in negotiations between Canada and the US over Machias Seal Island, the Northwest Passage and the Strait of Juan de Fuca."

Mr Millipede added, "alternatively, the Secretary of State could realise that we have managed this issue perfectly well before without the assistance of the world's policeman, and she might like to keep her pointy proboscis well and truly out of British affairs and British territory."

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patently said...

Didn't they "help" last time? Gave us just enough breathing space to get the troops in place, IIRC.

Mind you, back then we had a PM who knew what a "decision" looked like.

Bill Quango MP said...

They did help us last time Patently.
Sold us the Aim-9l that shot down Argentinian planes at range. Our early model ones were not up to the task.
They gave us all their covert data and spy satellites and tracking info + I believe, fuel for the task force on a lend lease basis.

But in those days Argentina was a US ally in Latin America and The UK was the largest and most reliable partner in NATO facing the Russians.{Air and naval assets that were a major contribution to the defence of W. Europe and the BAOR holding a sector of the front.}

Today.. we are still a major ally. Not as major, but still important.
If the crunch comes the US will support the UK again.

Dave H said...

Doesn't she fancy Miliband? We could exploit this constructively. It's not as if a bit of adultery would shatter her marriage.

Nobody's going to have compassion for Miliband either.