Solving the World's problems with common sense and a flamethrower.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Darling Enters Record Books

Full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

The Guinness Book of Records have confirmed that Chancellor Alistair Darling has entered the record books following today's Budget speech, it was announced today.

The Chancellor managed to break the British Record for 'talking continuously and incessantly for as long as possible without actually saying anything meaningful or new', with a personal best of 60 minutes, breaking the long-standing record speech* of 47 minutes set in 2005 by his predecessor, Gordon 'Colostomy' Brown.

A spokesman for Guinness Records said, "this was a sterling effort for the Chancellor, who has managed to speak for such a lengthy period without making the mistake of saying anything that hasn't been heard, announced or otherwise leaked beforehand. It was an absolute masterpiece of obfuscation, disinformation and unoriginality, and we salute Mr Darling for his brilliant babbling."

However, the Chancellor's record speech is still a long way short of the current World Record, set by US President Barack Obama, who managed to talk his way through an entire Election campaign without saying anything at all.

A source for the Conservative Party welcomed the Budget speech, saying that it proved beyond doubt that Tory fiscal policy was correct.

*Guinness Records confirmed that they were using the word 'speech' in its loosest possible sense.

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Bill Quango MP said...

I have just carried out my own efficiency saving. I am now not spending the £200,000 on a supercar that I saw in a magazine.
A massive saving I think you'll all agree.

Nikki Thornton said...

Liked your post. Someday I hope to write a book where the royalties will pay for the copies I give away.