Solving the World's problems with common sense and a flamethrower.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Scientists Discover New Animal Species

SemiHomo Britnationalpartius Fascistii attempting to communicate with humans.

Anthropologists at Oxford University claim they have discovered a new species of ape, which they claim casts the Darwinian theory of Evolution in a new light.

The discovery, which is to be published in scientific journal 'Taxonomy Today', sensationally claims that a hitherto undiscovered ape species, which shows language skills, tribal culture and tool use, can only have developed as a consequence of inverted or delayed evolution, and is thus unique in the animal kingdom.

Professor Bertram Apeprodder, of St. Ethel's College Oxford, leading the research, said, "our findings are interesting, because all the scientific evidence indicates that there is no way this species could have evolved independently. We can only conclude, from the evidence available,that this species essentially devolved from Homo Sapiens - the first time that we have been able to identify the evolutionary process in reverse.

Scientists have been studying the species, SemiHomo Britnationalpartius Fascistii for some time and noted marked divergence from human characteristics. Professor Apeprodder said, "we saw major differences. Speech, for example, was in many cases reduced to largely-unintelligible grunts about 'coons'. We also saw a reduction in hair growth, the use of tribal body markings in the shape of flags and bulldogs, and a notable lengthening of the arms, in many cases to the point of the animal's knuckles actually dragging on the floor".

Professor Apeprodder added, "however, we believe that this case of inverted evolution may be short-lived. SemiHomo Britnationalpartius Fascistii seems to lack the intellectual capacity to select suitable breeding partners, and also shows a psychological inability to deal with its current environment, so they are likely to become extinct in short order. It's no great loss".

However,the findings of the Professor's team have already sparked controversy in the anthropological community, with other eminent scientists vehemently claiming that the species has been mis-classified. Professor Fruitfly Wingpuller, of the Moron Research Department at Cambridge Universite, insisted that SemiHomo Britnationalpartius Fascistii could not be classed as human. He added, "Despite primate characteristics, these animals cannot be classified in this way. Our research shows that the species actually belongs in the same taxonomy as genital lice and cockroaches - though cockroaches have greater social tendencies".

**Dungeekin is on holiday. Normal Service will resume after 24 June.**

1 comment:

Catu said...

Brilliant! This should be taught in schools around the globe.