Solving the World's problems with common sense and a flamethrower.

Monday, June 08, 2009

Politician Wounded in Terror Attack

A Police e-fit of the suspected assailant.

The Government has acted swiftly in response to what it called a 'vicious and unprovoked attack' on a Labour MP by a newly-formed terrorist organisation.

The attack, on former Home Secretary David Blunkett, left him with a broken rib and severe bruising.

A coded admission of responsibility was subsequently sent to The Diary of A Geek from an insurgent organisation calling itself the Bovine Suffrage Ensemble. The statement claimed that it had been responsible, and warned that this is the start of a concerted campaign of violence:

The corrupt administration of humans has milked us dry for too long, and cows across the nation demand that our voices be herd. We will not cease our campaign of direct action until we have the Vote and the hoofprint is accepted as proof of identity. Humans have left us with no udder course of action.

The statement was signed 'Ermintrude Guevara, Chief Publicity Bovine, B.S.E' and marked with a hoofprint and cud signature.

Justice Minister Jack Straw, in a Press conference a few moments ago, announced that the BSE had been added to the Government's list of proscribed organisations. He said, "we will not give into intimidation and terrorism, whatever its species".

The Metropolitan Police are investigating the attack, and have linked it to a recent incident at a dairy farm near Swindon when a cowhand was found attached to his own milking machine. He remains in hospital following his 'milking', and doctors are confident that his penis will return to its normal length within weeks.


Fidothedog said...

Cue the obvious and bad taste "He did not see that coming!"

Ross said...

I knew I'd get away with it if I went "Moo" after beating up David Blunkett.