Solving the World's problems with common sense and a flamethrower.

Thursday, June 04, 2009

BNP Reduced to Begging For Cash

"Fiver for hand-relief, tenner for oral or thirty the full monty. Cheques payable to the BNP."

Documents leaked to The Diary of a Geek have revealed that the far-right British Nazi National Party are so desperately short of funds that they have resorted to begging.

BNP organisers have sent members emails with desperate pleas for small donations, and memos have been sent to all activists suggesting methods of raising cash to 'keep going towards our ultimate goal'.

The memo, which was leaked to The Diary of a Geek, advises BNP members on a number of options to raise cash, and has the following suggestions quoted below:
  • When mugging someone, make sure they're Asian or Jewish, They've normally got plenty of cash.
  • Busking can be a good way of raising small donations. However, it might be wise to steer clear of Skrewdriver tracks.
  • When canvassing on the doorstep, remember to ask for donations. And if one isn't forthcoming, punch the coon-loving pinko in the face and take their car.
  • How about sponsored events? A sponsored walk,perhaps, or a sponsored cross burning. Perhaps shave your head? Oh, wait....
One former BNP member, who chose to remain anonymous, exclusively revealed that Nick Griffin has even resorted to prostitution in a vain attempt to raise enough cash for his Fourth Reich dream.

The source said, "Nick's been doing his best. He's been working round the back end of Plymouth's Union Street offering sexual favours. He was doing alright till that Nigerian ship's company 'pulled a train' on him. It left him with an arse like Blackwall Tunnel, and nearly put him out of business. Last I heard, he'd popped out his glass eye and was charging drunk sailors £5 for a wink".


Obnoxio The Clown said...

You really don't like them, do you? :o)

Matt Wardman said...


Aaron Murin-Heath said...

I thought I recognised him.

Had I known, I would have worn a rubber.