Solving the World's problems with common sense and a flamethrower.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Greens Call for Pet Deaths to Save Planet

Climate change campaigners have called for all household pets to be drowned in a new campaign designed to reduce global carbon emissions.

The Government-supported campaign, which includes press and television adverts, is sponsored by the Carbon Usage Negation Trustee Society, a new environmental group posing radical solutions to the problems of global warming.

Society spokesman Trey Hugger said, "people don't yet realise the appalling impact of the average domesticated animal on the environment. For example, the carbon footprint of the average family Labrador is greater than that of twelve hundred Lesser-Spotted Amazonian Tree Frogs, and as such pets pose a clear and present danger to the future of our planet. Killing off household pets will save more CO2 than a million 747s, and probably save the rainforest too. Or something.

"While little Timmy may not like the idea of his beloved gerbil being flushed in the name of Gaea, I'm sure he will appreciate it when he's not the one floating as the sea levels rise past his bedroom window. The Society are also investigating the carbon footprint of the average child, but we're not sure that the world is ready for such an option as yet".

Mr Hugger added that the Society would be suggesting further methods of decimating the pet population over future weeks of the campaign, and strongly denied that his calculations were biased by the fact his mum hadn't let him have a hamster at age six.

The campaign has met with stiff resistance from PETA, the RSPCA and sane humans, who have pointed out that considerably more CO2 emissions savings could be made simply by drowning all environmental activists.

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