Solving the World's problems with common sense and a flamethrower.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Tinfoil Hats Abound in these Interesting Times

In these dark times of global financial meltdown, with 24-hour rolling coverage of collapses, crashes, crunches and calamities, it's incumbent upon us to seek our own entertainment.

One highly-amusing outcome of the current shenanigans is the way it's brought the conspiracy theorists out from their lead-lined bunkers, blinking mole-like in the bright light of a sun they rarely see.

I present, for your amusement, education and edification, a small selection of recent comments regarding the banking crisis from our tinfoil-capped brethren:

Quote 1:
The Global elite have the polititians in their pockets they are gonna rape you for everything you have. Then try and set up a global banking system to enslave you and destroy your nations independance.
Quote 2:
Our financial collapse has been engineered by forces we know little about and collectively do not understand. Cameron however clearly knows them well and understands them perfectly. As does also Vince Cable, Gordon Brown and Tony Blair. Where else, but the mother of modern democracy, could one better demonstrate to the ENTIRE WORLD that the illusionary sham, that is representative democratic government has been finally put out of its agony?
Quote 3:
It is the British EMPIRE's renegade banking fraternity who are behind this utter chaos in the financial sewage system...If we can stop them or seriously slow them down for a while, they will start to lose control, and we will be finally free from their satanic clutches.

Absolutely brilliant. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the Greater-Spotted Net Kook, straying far from his normal habitat to grace us with the brilliance of his intuition and attempting to show us lesser mortals what only they can see and warn of. They do, however, provide great material for my Bloggeries.

It's not normally my habit to feed the Trolls, but let's just take a look at these beliefs and dissect them a little, shall we? We might even have a little fun on the way....

Let's imagine for a moment that I'm not an ordinary peon, but that I am, in fact, a senior and elite financier with superlative Masonic connections, political ties and a hotline to the Rothschilds. I eat at all the right dinner parties, and the head of Bilderberg is on my speed dial (or rather my PA's speed-dial, of course).

Now of course, I share the same purpose as my plutocrat comrades - total world domination and ownership of absolutely everything, from major industry down to those shoes you bought from Oxfam last week. However, I of course want to keep this secret from the proles.

Now, which course would I choose?

Will I choose Option A: ensure that sufficient virtual credit is washing around the system to keep the humble masses in flat-screen TVs, sunny holidays, moronic 'reality TV' and junk food, thus making certain that they remain dulled and uncaring of my dastardly plan for a New World Order;


Option B: completely screw up the entire financial system worldwide, causing these same humble masses to lose their savings, their jobs and their homes, wipe out any available cash or credit with which to buy the consumer goods from my factories and, in doing so, create a huge mass of pissed-off proletariat with nothing to do and a score to settle?

Hmm, difficult choice that.

Let's face it. If this is part of some dastardly, devilish plan by Satanic schemers to take over the world, then it's not exactly been handled with any great degree of competence by the 'Global Elite', has it?

But the Conspiracy Theorists will continue to spout their deluded ideas, and after a while will go back to their darkened bedrooms to research how Princess Diana was actually killed by President Kennedy because she found out he was a space alien. Or something.

Keep your tinfoil hats on, boys. But if you'd be kind enough to put them over your mouths, that would be just peachy. Thanks.

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